1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize