I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
