If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
