What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
