I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
