I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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