You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
