i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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