Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
