he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
