new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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