i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
