you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
