i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
