I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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