Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
