my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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