the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
