To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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