i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
