Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
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there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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