God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
