i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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