the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
