fuck your aforementioned shoe
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
