I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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