and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
