Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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