So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
