And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
