i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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