Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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