yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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