Midget sex pt 2 tonight
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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