Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
