Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
