I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
