My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
