I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
