I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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