If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
