Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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