Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So here I am, sexting at work.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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