This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
