Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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