If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
