I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
