On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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