nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
