on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
