Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
