So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
