So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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