Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
