the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
