My hand turned me down
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize