i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
why is half of my head shaved?
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