watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
