best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
