I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
