well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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