just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
