ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
