i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
