thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
