Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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