Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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