I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
