My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
