please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
