I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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