some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
