My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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