do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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