You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
