I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You smell like stripper and shame
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
