everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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