it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
